“What matters is not the meaning of life in general, but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment” – Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Working with many hospice families on the medical floor, there are so many stories that cannot be explained by science, alone. Each death is different, surprising, and often, beautiful. Supporting a grieving family as they wait and watch their loved one take their last breath brings me to the core of nursing care. No computer, no doctor, no book, and no prayer can comfort like the personal touch of the nurse.
I have seen oxygen saturations in the 70s jump to 100% as a family member walks in to say goodbye. I have seen patients who hang on until they find their last bit of closure whatever that may be before crossing over. I have seen obtunded patients open their eyes and use all of their remaining energy to say a few last words to their family members before closing their eyes for eternity. Death is and can be beautiful.
The first death I experienced was when I was still on orientation. It was a man who battled many years of cancer. He was literally skin on bones. His daughters and wife were at bedside, and it is the family that breaks your heart the most. They sat around his bed and talked about all of the memories that they shared together. They showed me a picture of him, a healthy 180lb man, now a 60lb man laying in the bed. Those are images you can’t forget.
Caring for Hospice patients and families is some of my favorite cases because of how real and genuine the emotions are. At the bedside, nothing else matters except the love and belonging the family has left.
Some families grieve with anger, some with prayer, some with thankfulness, and some with silence. Some patients wait for families to step out of the room before passing, some wait for a bath, some wait for a blessing, and some go suddenly.
It is crucial to maintain the compassion for each of these families. It is easy to appear too busy or even to become insensitive to these life events. The most important thing for palliative care and hospice is to simply be present. Sit down and listen to the family wishes and hopes. It is okay to cry with them, I often do. Cry, and then carry on. Focus on each patent encounter individually. One room at a time.
Death is a beautiful thing.
Until next shift,
Shania